Being “Authentic”

”This above all: to thine own self be true,
And it must follow, as the night the day,
Thou canst not then be false to any man.
Farewell, my blessing season this in thee!”
~ Polonius, in Shakespeare’s Hamlet

If all the New Age and fluffy business / self-development books, CDs and DVDs are to be believed, the only way to happiness is to live your life “authentically”. By which they mean that you need to do various things, typically along the lines of “getting in touch with your feminine side”, meditating every 4 hours, understanding the sources of your anger, not eating meat or jumping on the latest craze of being “minimalist”.

To most of these light and fluffy types, “living authentically” becomes something of a mantra, and is generally held to mean “living the life you were meant to”. This one phrase alone seems to have different meanings, dependent on the context in which it is found. For example, in a self-development / self-enlightenment book it often means “to find your true purpose of existence”. In a more business/wealth-focused book it typically implies that you should get over your problem with money, and get the lifestyle you deserve.

Dragged Down By The Millstones

For my money, being “authentic” is a lot simpler than any of these things; it is simply a case of being yourself, without putting on any airs and graces, without wearing some kind of mask, and doing the things you enjoy and are comfortable/happy doing.

This is something that’s been buzzing around in my mind a lot lately, and really comes from reading various notes I had jotted down a while ago. Notes that said things like “must do X” and “need to improve Y”. It all made for quite depressing reading really, all very negative and none of it particularly responsible for any of the achievements of the past year. It dawned on me then that, despite jotting such things down, I have pretty much continued on the way I always have and have only really made a few changes here and there where the need has arisen (e.g. getting a tiny little bit better in the organisation department).

All the jotted notes simply became millstones around my neck that added nothing, and just made me feel bad at having achieved little (when really I should have been celebrating and feeling good about some genuine achievments).

Diversions From The Path

Not only were many of these ideas (often gleaned from your typical self-improvement type books and websites) weighing things down, they have also (at times) clouded issues and provided justification for taking the wrong direction. For example, I recently ended an arrangement where I was doing contract development for another web developer. At various points I have persuaded myself to continue with this work, despite feeling the motivation and enthusiasm for doing the work leeching away. In my heart I knew it was something I no longer had any desire to do, however I had swallowed enough mumbo-jumbo to believe that it was worth sticking with, that it would unlock the door to working from home on a full-time basis, and that “sticking with it” was a virtuous thing.

It was of course absolute nonsense. It was simply another job, partially replacing one employer for another, with the illusion of having more freedom. Once I got around to ending the agreement the sense of relief was palpable; it was obvious that I should have listened to my instincts a lot sooner. In the true sense of the term, I should have been true to myself.

So What IS “Authentic”?

In the context of this article, being authentic is simply being yourself. This is something, or so I believe, that is dead simple until you hit about 10 years old and gets increasingly difficult as you cope with things like puberty, girlfriends/boyfriends, peer pressure, societal pressure, finding a career, getting a job, marriage, kids etc. The good news is that you eventually hit a point where you’ve had enough of the crap, and find that you are old enough to dare to be yourself again (i.e. you stop worrying what others think about you).

For me that started to happen at some point soon after I turned 40, and has therefore taken about 3 years to complete (if indeed it has!) If I had to sum it up in one phrase, being “authentic” is simply “not giving a toss“.

By that I don’t mean that you become a cold, heartless, uncaring soul. No, what I mean is no longer worrying what other people will think about things like:

How you look
How you speak
What you believe in
What your goals are
Your political views

Quite simply it means you become comfortable with yourself, and you live and act according to your individual beliefs and needs rather than those of others, or those that you believe society expects of you.

Including purveyors of light and fluffy New Age personal self-help development mumbo jumbo